Untitled, 2017.

It can’t be if it’s not you

I can’t be without you

It’s okay if i’m hurt for a day and a year like this

It’s fine even if my heart’s hurts 

- It Has To Be You, Yesung.

It Hurts.

Knowing you've finally found someone is already bad enough for me. But witnessing it is another deal for me. It Hurts. Knowing that once again, our chance of forever has faded away. Knowing that once again, you took away the hope left for me.

You, who were supposed to be a part of my past came back and ruined me. Just like the old times. When i let you stepped on my heart like it wasn't worth it. More than once you ruined me. It would be better, if you just walked away and never came back after ruining me. But you, being the heartless jerk decided to play with me and came back, only to ruin me. Again and again. It's sad that you didn't only ruined my heart, you also ruined me the way nobody did. I, who was and still am stupidly in love with you was stupid enough to get blinded by love and let you play with my already broken-hearted. I, who was a believer of forever was fool enough to actually believe that you came back for good. When all this time, you never intended to go back with me.

I'm so frustated with myself. Even with the acknowledge that we could never be together, that you will never get back to me for good, i'm still helplessly holding on to you. Stupid as it sounds, but i'm crazily in love with you. And i'm afraid that i could never recover from it. I tried denying it before, telling myself that i'm over you, that i've moved on, but now i know better. There's no way for me to escape you. You've grown yourself deep into me, unfortunately. And you, knowing how i feel for you took advantage of it. You keep on coming back to me just for the sake of your own fun. I just somehow became a sojourn, your sojourn. And what's even funnier is the fact that i'm already satisfied even when i'm only a sojourn, when i should be angry and walk away. It's funny, isn't it?

I will always be your sojourn, never will be a priority. You will choose another girl over me. Again and again. And comeback to me for a break, only to break my heart. Again and Again. 
- Alanis, the enthusiast of love in vain.

Now, you've got yourself another girl. Another girl i never expected. It hurts knowing that you played with me before you told me you've a girlfriend already. It's funny that i actually was hoping when you all of sudden came back, told me sweet nothings, had midnight conversations with me, and another sweet things that i'm certain every girl will misunderstand as you just got yourself a girlfriend while sweet-talking and sweet-treating me. It's just funny that, even when i'm hurting i still need to hear you story about her. The story on how your relatisionships progresses when all i want to do is nothing but hope you to break it off with her.

As selfish as it sounds, i want you. I want you for me, even when i know you're hers. That i have no right to want you. But a heart can only hopes, right? I'll be here. I'll be here waiting for you and take you back when you're done with her. And as stupid as it looks, i don't care. For all i care is my happiness. And sadly, my happiness has you in it.

I just hope you will find your way back to me. Until whenever..

I hope you’ll be happy.

I couldn’t even say those common lies.

I’m only praying that you’ll come back, I’m sorry.

- Untitled 2014, Kwon Ji Yong.