Worked Up Too Much.

You and I have always been caught up in a twisted-love-web that we can barely escape. We've always loved each silently. Passionately. But sadly, never at the same time. I loved you first, you loved me then. But reality sucks. Things never worked out the way we wanted it to be. Life sucks. But what's new? It suckier that we could never be together no matter how much we wanted to.

I've never stopped loving you for years. Six to be exact. And i've never loved someone as much, as deep as i loved you. And you told me, the feelings were mutual. You've always loved me before you've finally decided it's time. Before you've finally moved on. With her. While i'm still stuck here. Struggling with the remembered memories of us you left me.

I've always wanted a future with you, sadly you were never the one to be able to help me to reach  it. A future with you is unreachable. It's far away. Above anything a hand could grasp. You were always out of my league and i've finally decided it's time. It's enough. I'm done. We're through. And this time for good.

But even so, i've never stopped hoping for a miracle. Never stopped believing that your heart will finally turn around. To me. Because, somehow in my already-twisted-beyond-words mind, i still believed you were it for me, as i was it for you. Even when i realized, this is pointless. That the love had waned for long and i was finally out of love with you, i stayed. I just couldn't let go. Could never forget. Could never walk too far away from you.

For long, i wondered: Why?

Why can't i just let go if i'm done? If i've had enough?

The whys kept on bugging me.

Until you came along. Giving me answer to my whys.  All along, it was the closure we never had. The closure from both parties. You and I. I was holding on for too long because there was no closure to ensure me it was really helpless and pointless to be holding on to something i could never reach. To be waiting for something i know was never mine in the first place.

You told me your stories. Your regrets and reasons, asked for my forgiveness, then told me you were happy with me. And happy now. With her. It felt oddly relieved. It felt free. I feel like i can finally breath. I've had my answer all along, i was just too blinded to admit it. And you helped me to open my eyes. To see things i was afraid to acknowledge.

And that was: I've always been mistaken. I mistook you as it when all along i was just too full with my remembered memories and too filled up with denial. But now, here i am. Finally free and happy. Thus, i'm finally letting you go. For good. Forever. I'm letting you fly free. With her. With whoever is it for you.

I've loved you, but no more. And i regretted nothing.