Disappointed?

"Move on is about time and finding the new right person."

They said, and i agreed.

Well, there is this boy. A boy that indirectly helped me to move on. I have a past, a pathetic past i must say, and i have a long way to get through it and starting a new life. It's about time, i know it. But it's been so long and i thought it's impossible for me to move on from my past. Been years, i always claimed that i've moved on. But who knows? It has always been a lie. I never did. I never forget about my past, not even a bit. But then, this boy i referred at the first sentence came. He came and bit by bit he helped me. Well, he didn't know, so did i. But with the way he acted to me, he somehow helped me. Yes, i've moved on. All thanks to this boy i referred. But no, that time i haven't realized it yet, i haven't realized that he's the reason. Then, we got more close, we got along well. We used to be strangers, and i used to hate him. But it doesn't matter. In the meantime, i started developing feelings for him. And by that, i also started to realize that it's him that helped me to move on. I like him, yes. But i didn't dare to tell it out loud. He doesn't like me, i thought. So, the days passed with me fall deeper and deeper for him without he knows. I love him in silent, tho i really want to yell it out loud. The days also passed with him showering me attention and sweet-words, i flew. Yes, why wouldn't i? I'm a girl after all. But then i came to realize, he didn't only do those things to me, and it hurt. I won't lie, it hurts. It hurts the same as my past. He helped me to move on, but why did he hurt me too? Indirectly he did, and i hate him for it. But who i am in his life? I'm just nobody who happened to have feelings for him, this is a love in vain, this is one-sided love, i thought. I'm not used with this pain. Yes, i'm used to the pain my past caused me, but not with this. It's a new feeling and it hurts more. Then i told myself to be distant, and i did. But then again, he looked like he doesn't want to let me go. He came again, and this time he confessed to me. Happy? I am. But i'm afraid, afraid that it might be one of his jokes, since he likes jokes a lot. But i can't be naive, i like him, love to be exact, so i accepted his confession despite the doubt i have. Months passed, we're a happy couple. He loves me, and so do i. He proved me wrong with all my doubts before. He's one thing i got right, i must say. Even somehow he pissed the hell out of me. I'm happy, more than the world ever knows. But then, a fairytale always has it's storm. And same goes to my fairytale. It comes. My fairytale is ruined. This boy that brought me happiness has to be a jerk, and hurt me. He might not realize it, but with the way he acted to me and all this trust thingy, he put a big scar to my heart. The way he let his friends made fun of me, somehow reminded me of my past. When 'he' from my past, let his friends made fun of me. But there's a difference, i wasn't there when that 'he's friends made fun of me, so maybe it hurt any lesser. But this boy that brought me happiness let his friends made fun of me in front of my face. HE LET THEM.  Feeling hurt? Yes i do. But the embarrassing feeling is bigger and stronger. And to add that he didn't even trust me and had to say it in front of his friends made it worse for me. I don't know. I might be a bitch to him who acted like a brat, but it doesn't give him any right to hurt me this way. I might pissed him off many times and made him disappointed and stuffs, but once again it doesn't give him any right to make me feel this way. Maybe this is so not a big deal for him, but sorry, it is for me. I always thought that he's different and all, but then i guess i expected too much. He's just the same, all boys are the same. And now, i really want to give up. It's better to be hurting now and get through it, than choose to stay and hurting myself more. But, if i leave him now, who would help me to get through this?  Will i find someone like him again who will help me? Or will i be drown in pain as memories eat me alive? Well i don't know. After all, Time heals what words failed to.